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Kailen knew the passageways and corridors of the Weyr better than anyone. Years of evading the other boys trying to tease her had taught her that there were at least two ways to get to any location. She could have easily entered the common room through the kitchens, but she wanted to go undetected by weyrfolk as well as the guests. Instead she made her way down dimly lit and seldom used passages, often with memory and touch as her only guides, until at last she was in the small emergency storeroom just a dragon's length from the common room entrance.

She listened at the doorway for a couple of minutes until she was certain that no one was standing outside. Then taking a bucket from the rack that was used to carry numbweed in emergencies, she filled it with water from the small cistern located in the corner. Grabbing a handful of the bandages, she dunked them into the bucket of water until they were well soaked. Dressed in her favorite grass-stained tunic, her work-stained apron, with bucket and 'dishrags' in hand, she went to the door, let her shoulders droop and stepped out into plain view.

Of the dozen or so people standing nearby, only one well dressed lady turned to look at the kitchen drudge who walked by with a cleaning pail. She quickly dismissed the girl as a servant and turned back to her conversation. Kailen worked her way closer to the common room entrance. She tried to time her arrival to coincide with that of a small group of dragonriders that were also heading that way.

As the riders passed her she bowed and in the same motion set down the bucket. When she straightened up her posture was erect and she followed the group through the entrance without being noticed. Once inside she quickly broke away from them and hugged the wall. There was really nowhere to hide inside the common room so it was just a matter of time before someone spotted her, but in the meantime she would find out as much as she could.

All the food had been laid out on two long tables in the center of the huge room and that is where most of the people were congregated. Kailen edged her way towards a small group of Guild members standing away from the main crowd, but before she had a chance to hear anything clearly, one of the men in the group turned and spoke to her, "What is it girl? Are you looking for someone?"

Kailen was startled. She stared back at the man, just waiting for him to recognize her, but he continued to look at her expectantly. There was no recognition in his eyes at all. "Um... no," she said quietly, trying to figure a way out of this. She spotted an empty food tray on the table next to the man and stammered, "um... the tray?"

The man reached down and picked up the tray, "Thank you," he said, handing it to her with a smile. She curtsied and walked past them. As she moved away she heard the man say, "They have some of the prettiest girls in the kitchens here, don't you think?"

Sweat trickled down Kailen's back. That had been close, but the encounter had given her an idea. With tray in hand she began collecting discarded drinking cups from the tables as she continued to edge her way around the room. She spotted a group of dragonriders near one table full of mugs and went to collect them.

"I heard they all drew lots and F'tan lost!" said one of the riders as she approached. This was followed by a round of hearty laughter.

Another spoke up, "Well I heard H'mon had to order F'tan to take her because no one else would."

"That's true," said another, "The way I heard it... Hey, watch what you're doing girl!"

Kailen had spilled a half empty mug of klah out on the table, "I'm very sorry, please excuse me," Kailen said as she quickly tried to turn away from the dragonrider... but she was too late. Their eyes met and she swallowed hard, she knew this man. He had been at the last impression and had sat near her the whole time. They had even been introduced.

"Think nothing of it," he said with a charming smile, "Here, you can have this one too. I'm done with it." He handed her the mug he was holding and turned away as if he had never seen her before in his life.

Kailen hurried away from the group. She set the tray down on the end of one of the long tables and leaned heavily against the wall. Her head was reeling, why had that rider not recognized her? True she had attended the last impression wearing her flying leathers and her hair had been much shorter then, but for him to not know her at all left Kailen at a loss.

Maybe she really had changed a lot. Maybe Sheala was right about the way she presented herself as a woman being different from the way she presented herself as a dragonrider. If these riders, who ought to know every gold rider on Pern by sight, couldn't tell who she was maybe she had more freedom to mingle in this crowd than she had thought. It was certainly worth the risk, she had already learned what the other bronze riders thought of F'tan for taking her as his weyrmate.

Straightening her tunic and smoothing her hair, she moved off towards the center of the room and soon heard more than enough to confirm her suspicions: "Sheala must be out of her mind, making that boy a member of the gold wing..."; "I always suspected F'tan was a little funny that way..."; "She never deserved it you know, she was only picked because she's a freak..."; "Yes, she actually tried to kill F'tan during the mating flight..."; "You've heard about his mother, right? Tragic, no wonder he thinks he's a girl...";

It wasn't all bad, she overheard several positive comments about her flying abilities and a few riders had stood up for F'tan, but in general it was nothing but baseless rumors and lies.

Then as she passed a group of obviously wealthy Guild members she overheard one man say, "I'll bet most of the hatchlings will be green."

"My money says there won't be a bronze in the lot," boasted another.

"Are you serious?" said a third, "I'll take that bet!"

The other man just chuckled, "You're on and my wager is safe. How could such a perverse mating result in anything but greens and blues?"

Kailen's face flushed with anger although she managed to hold her temper, but only just... She decided it was time to leave before she really lost it. She moved quickly towards the exit, now trying very hard not to overhear what was being said around her.

She reached the exit just as a group of well-dressed women were coming in. She recognized the woman who had glanced at her outside, decided to resume her drudge posture and stepped aside to let them pass.

"Did you hear? He runs around the Weyr wearing skirts! Can you imagine how embarrassing that must be for Lady Sheala?"

It was all too much for Kailen. They had insulted her weyrmate, they had insulted her dragon, they had insulted the woman she loved as a mother, and now she knew exactly what they thought of her personally. She stepped up to block the women, her anger only partially veiled.

The woman who was speaking stopped and looked down her nose at the girl blocking their way, "What do you want?"

"Your pardon," Kailen said in a terse soft voice, "but I was sent to find Lady Kailen. You haven't seen her, have you?"

The affront on the woman's face was obvious, "Most certainly not! Perhaps you should check the boy's privy." The woman pushed her way past Kailen and the others followed snickering. The last she heard from them was, "The very idea! Making the drudges call him 'Lady' Kailen. What a joke!"

Kailen raced out of the hall and ran full tilt for the long staircase that led up to the gold weyrs. She didn't care who recognized her now, it no longer mattered, she knew what they all thought of her and her heart was breaking over it. She almost stopped at Trinith's weyr to tell Sheala, but more than anything she needed to be with Leanoth right now. She stumbled into the weyr they shared and cried out for her dragon, but Leanoth was not there.

"Where are you!?"

In the hatching chamber of course, what's wrong?

"I need you!"

The sounds of a great commotion arose from the bowl floor below and seconds later Leanoth was perched at the weyr entrance, nuzzling her distraught rider. Kailen fell to her knees sobbing as she buried her face into the soft muzzle of her dragon.

"I can't do it! I can't go out there in front of those people. They all hate me... they hate me..."

Then send them away. They aren't needed.

"I can't do that," she wailed.

I can. I can do anything when it is our eggs that are on the sand ready to hatch. Our hatchlings only need you, me and twenty-six special people tonight. The rest can go between for all I care.

Kailen stopped crying, "You mean that, don't you?"

Of course I mean it. Why else would I have said it?

"Oh, but it's just not that simple. These are important people, they have influence, they have power, they..."

...are not our kin.

Kailen shook her head. She knew that her dragon's view was limited to the welfare of their hatchlings, that was her place, but she also knew that the welfare of the Weyr was her own responsibility. She stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"No... no they're not, but we can't turn them away either," she rubbed Leanoth's eye ridges affectionately. "Go back to the hatching chamber my love. Watch over our little ones until they find their riders."

I will not have you staying away. You must be there as well.

"I know," Kailen said, "I'll be there... one way or another."

o o o

Kailen sat on her bed with her head in her hands and wept. "What am I going to do?" she thought morosely. She lifted her head and stared at the gorgeous blue dress spread out across the table. She wanted desperately to wear that dress tonight and be beautiful, but if she did then all those people would laugh at her. She was an embarrassment to everyone she knew and loved. "That woman was right, I'm just a joke!"

She thought about the special people in her life now. The other gold riders had accepted her unconditionally from the beginning. Sheala had quickly become the mother Kailen had never had and even H'mon in his own clumsy way had always treated her as his own. She had worked hard to win over all the riders in the Wing by earning their respect in thread filled skies where more than once she had risked her own life for the sake of others. Now she was going to let them all down by making them a laughing stock right along with her.

And what about F'tan? Was there anyone short of Leanoth who meant more to her? He was already the butt of jokes and innuendos, what would his life be like after tonight? She cringed at the thought of seeing his face while all those people were laughing at them.

Her gaze drifted from the dress to her old flight jacket hanging in the corner nearby. It didn't fit her any more, but she hadn't had the heart to dispose of it yet. Too many memories, too much history, she had even worn that jacket to the last impression. Then it had been brand new, a gift from Sheala for successfully completing her flight training. With a little help she might just be able to get the thing buttoned up still...

Her face brightened. "That could work," she thought, "Sure everyone will be disappointed, but it has to be better than the alternative." She played out the scenario in her head: she would walk in unnoticed, just another dragonrider among many, slip casually past the guests, apologize to Sheala and then sit down with F'tan... sit with F'tan... a short effeminate boy in flying leathers will sit down next to the Weyr's second in command who will want to hug and kiss...

She shook her head violently, "No! That's worse! Or is it?" Now she was confused on top of everything else. Tears flooded her eyes again as she threw herself across the bed. She grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest. It smelled of F'tan and suddenly she keenly needed to know where he was...

"Jarlath? Where is F'tan? Is he okay?"

He's with Sheala and H'mon. They are worried about why Leanoth left the hatching chamber, she won't tell them, but otherwise he is fine. Shall I have him come to you?

Just knowing where he was and that he was okay gave her strength. She sat up, still hugging his pillow, "No Jarlath. Tell him I'll be there in a little while." She stared at the old flight jacket again and made up her mind.

She heard Muirna calling from the weyr entrance and only hoped that her friend would be able to stuff her into the thing again.

o o o

Down in the hatching chamber Sheala was becoming anxious. All of the guests and most of the weyrfolk had been seated, the candidates were assembled outside, Leanoth was in her place with the eggs again, but Kailen was nowhere to be found.

"Leanoth, where is Kailen?"

The gold dragon gave a bemused snort and raised her head looking in Sheala's direction.

She is still dressing, but she will be here in time.

Sheala began pacing. Leanoth was the best judge of when the eggs would be ready to hatch, but they couldn't wait forever to bring in the candidates. Finally she couldn't put it off any longer and gave the signal to the weyrling master to let them in. As she turned to watch the procession a hush fell over the room.

There, standing in the entranceway bathed in the light of the late afternoon sun stood Kailen. At first it was difficult to see her, backlit by sunshine, but as Sheala's eyes adjusted to the light she gasped.

Kailen was dressed in the most beautiful pale blue dress she had ever seen. The bodice had been embellished with something golden that sparkled with reflected sunlight. Even from a distance there was no mistaking the girl's slim figure and amble bosom. Long tendrils of sand colored hair cascaded from her temples to frame her remarkable face while the rest had been collected up into a style known as a dragon's tail. She was simply stunning.

Before Sheala could remember to breathe, the candidates began to file in past Kailen in their white robes. One tall blond haired girl in particular took the time to turn and curtsy to Kailen as she passed. Another followed suit and then another. Some of the boys began bowing to her as they passed. Soon all of the candidates were acknowledging her in some way. Kailen stood with quiet dignity, her head slightly bowed and wished each of them good luck.

When all of the candidates were inside, Kailen looked up at Leanoth. Something passed between them that Sheala could not hear and Kailen smiled broadly. Then she moved away from the entrance and walked gracefully down the rows of guests towards Sheala with her head held high and her jaw firmly set as if she were expecting an attack at any moment. As she passed by, dragonriders shot to their feet. To her credit, Kailen didn't blush at this show of respect. Sheala on the other hand noted with great satisfaction that not all of the riders who came to attention for her were from their own Weyr.

When Kailen reached Sheala she smiled sheepishly and curtsied, "Sorry I'm late... you have no idea what it took to get me into this dress."

"I can well imagine. You look beautiful, I am very proud of you Kailen." Sheala's smile was all the validation Kailen need. "We should be seated... the hatchings will begin at any time now."

Kailen turned towards the place she sat during the last impression, but Sheala cleared her throat and said, "Um... that is my seat. Tonight you sit over there." She pointed at the special seats reserved for the Queen's rider.

"But that's..." began Kailen, then she blushed because tonight she was the Queen's rider. She looked over and saw F'tan already sitting there with a familiar smirk on his face. F'tan's jaw dropped when he got his first good look at her dress, "Y-you l-look... amazing!" Without thinking about where they were or the fact that several hundred people and dragons were watching them he swept her into his arms and kissed her.

"F'tan! Sweetheart... please," she giggled, "We... we have company."

"Oh... right..." He stammered, then collecting himself he waved to the crowd and helped her to her seat. Once they were seated he whispered so only she could hear, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!" Kailen blushed and squeezed his hand.

If you two are finished, I have some eggs out here that are about ready to burst open.

Kailen straightened up immediately, "Okay, it's time."

Above them, perched on the stone ledges that lined the cavern, the First Wing's bronze dragons began to hum. The crowds hushed and out on the sand the candidates ceased their fidgeting. All eyes were on the twenty-six eggs... nothing happened.

"Leanoth, what's going on?" Kailen thought to her dragon.

Have some patience. You worry too much.

Out on the sand there was the sound of shells cracking. Two boys amongst the candidates shouted at once, "That one!" but when Kailen looked they were pointing in different directions. They each pointed to one of the two largest eggs, both had obvious cracks in them and both were shaking violently. The crowd gasped as both eggs split open at the same time.

F'tan sucked in his breath, "By the egg, the first to hatch isn't just a bronze... it's two bronze dragons!" He beamed at Kailen, who didn't quite know what to make of this. She certainly knew that a bronze hatched first was supposed to be a good omen, but what could this possibly signify?

Down on the sand the two little bronze dragons freed themselves from the remains of their shells and faced the line of candidates. Then with a swiftness that took everyone by surprise they both made a beeline for the same spot. Where those lines met stood two identical young men, twins who had been brought to the impression from one of the other Weyrs. The four looked at one another for a few moments, then the two boys changed places and impressed their dragons to wild cheers from the onlookers.

As Kailen witnessed this happening a strange feeling overcame her. It was as if an unseen hand had reached inside her and plucked a string on a secret harp buried deep within her heart. A single clear note resonated through her body and goose bumps sprang up on her arms.

She shivered at the sensation, which caught F'tan's attention, "Are you all right? Are you cold in that dress?"

"I'm fine," she said as the note faded from her senses, "It's just... so exciting."

They watched as two more eggs hatched, the first one a blue and then another bronze. The crowd was beginning to murmur now; three bronze dragons already and there were still several large eggs waiting to hatch. Kailen remembered the arrogant man she had overheard placing a wager that there would be no bronzes at all. She wished she could see his face now.

Leanoth broke through her reverie, I think you are going to like this...

Down on the sands a smallish egg right at Leanoth's feet was rocking back and forth. Soon it cracked open and a little green dragon emerged. It looked around as if lost and then began to cry out. Leanoth reached down and nuzzled it towards the line of candidates, but the little dragon refused to budge. Suddenly from among the candidates stepped a familiar tall blond girl. Kailen held her breath as Muirna moved carefully past the unhatched eggs and headed towards the wailing hatchling.

Several times she looked up at Leanoth with fear evident in her eyes, but each time Leanoth conveniently managed to be looking in some other direction. When Muirna reached the little green dragon she knelt down in the sand and stretched a shaky hand out towards it. The hatchling snapped at her fingers, but she did not lower her hand. Kailen thought it was a wonder that Muirna hadn't run for the exit right then.

On the second try Muirna managed to stroke the little dragon's neck. It turned its head to her and their eyes met. A broad smile broke over Muirna's face as she called out, "Tearnoth! Her name is Tearnoth!"

Kailen was on her feet cheering along with the crowd. She was so happy for her friend. She could hear Tearnoth's joyful pleas for food and could easily guess at what Muirna was feeling just then. Kailen wanted to run out to her friend and be there for her as Sheala had been there when she impressed Leanoth, but there were still a lot of eggs to hatch and her place was up here.

As egg after egg hatched a pattern soon became apparent, every other egg was a bronze! In the end, half the eggs had been bronze, six were greens, five blues and only two browns. As each one hatched and found its rider, another note sounded in Kailen's heart, each one different and each one awakening something new within her. By the end of the impression Kailen was dizzy with these new feelings, she couldn't name what she felt, but she knew that she would never be the same person again.

o o o

Kailen and F'tan walked arm in arm through the passageway after the last hatchling rider pair had left the sands. As they stepped outside she saw the hatchlings and their new riders gathered in the center of the bowl. She longed to go to them, but she had one more unpleasant task to perform.

She and F'tan positioned themselves just outside the passage and were joined shortly by Sheala and H'mon. Together they formed a reception line to thank the guests for having attended the impression. Now she would have to face all those people whose insults had hurt her so much earlier, but now she held the advantage. The impression had given her new strength and confidence in herself. She could face their challenges with her head held high and with the certainty that her kin were there to support her.

That challenge never came however. For the most part the guests were either effusive about what a grand success the impression had been or too embarrassed about their prejudices to comment at all. Many recognized the 'serving girl' from the dinning hall, but none dare address her as anything other than Lady Kailen. Even the well-dressed woman, who had called her a joke, had grudgingly complimented her on her dress.

At Sheala's suggestion, Kailen took every opportunity to thrust her impressively bodiced bosom into the faces of the departing guests, "You might as well leave them with a lasting impression," she had said with a grin. Kailen wasn't sure how impressive it was, but it was certainly very entertaining to watch.

Because most of the fleeing guests were so subdued, the line moved quickly and before Kailen knew it the chamber was empty. Kailen looked up at the sky and as if to reflect her blissful mood it was that perfect mix of blues, purples and pinks that she loved so much. F'tan followed her gaze and smiled, "Another perfect sunset for you."

She nodded and hugged his arm, "It's been a long day, but it's finally over..." she murmured softly.

"Not quite," said F'tan, "There is still dinner and I for one am hoping that it's ready soon. I'm starving."

"Well, before I can eat anything I'll have to get someone to cut me out of this dress. It's so tight I couldn't drink a glass of water!"

"I'll help you with that Kailen," said Sheala, "I'm afraid that your dressmaker is indisposed at the moment." She nodded her head in the direction of the gathered hatchlings and their riders. At the center of the group Kailen spotted Muirna kneeling beside her little green Tearnoth.

"Oh F'tan, I can't go to dinner without speaking to them first." She let go of his arm and began walking away.

"But I'm huuuuungry!" he whined in perfect imitation of her.

She turned all prepared to stick her tongue out at him, but stopped. Somehow that no longer seemed appropriate. Instead she wagged her finger at him and said, "Naughty, naughty. Be a good boy and go get me something warm to put over my shoulders."

F'tan blinked and for a moment was at a loss for what to make of this new version of his weyrmate. He glanced at Sheala for support, but she just smiled and gave him that 'hurry up and do as you are told' look. He put on his manliest pout and trotted off towards their weyr.

Kailen walked over to where Muirna and Tearnoth were sitting. The smile on the girl's face was almost painful to look at. Kailen's eyes were already beginning to water when Muirna looked up.

"Oh Kailen! Thank you so much! It's more wonderful than you said it would be."

Kailen beamed down at her friend, "I'm so very happy for you Muirna. You and Tearnoth are beginning a marvelous journey together."

Are you our mother?

Kailen heard the timid unfamiliar dragon voice and from the look on Muirna's face she could tell that it had to be Tearnoth. The question caught her completely off guard though, "W-What? I'm... I..."

The little green dragon was staring at her, its jeweled eyes unreadable, but Muirna was linked to Tearnoth now and her face was an open book. Her blue eyes had grown wide and watery while her lower lip trembled as she awaited Kailen's answer.

You and I are one, came the sound of Leanoth's thoughts, you are their mother as surely as I am.

A warm feeling began to grow within Kailen's breast. The discordant notes she had felt earlier began to rearrange themselves into a simple melody and within moments her heart began to sing. She suddenly felt a closeness to these two that had not been there before. She wanted to protect them, to care for them, to teach them and ultimately to take pride in all that they accomplished. "Yes," she said, "I am your mother."

Muirna threw her arms around Kailen's waist, her head resting on the bodice of the beautiful dress she had sewn and her golden hair mingling with the dragons embroidered there. Then Tearnoth began to nuzzle Kailen's hip. Kailen stroked the girl's hair with one hand and rubbed the soft spot between the dragon's eye ridges with the other as tears of joy streamed down her own cheeks.

F'tan watched his weyrmate from a distance. He could see that she was happy, perhaps happier than at any other moment in her life except the moment she and Leanoth bonded, but he could also sense that she needed his strength. He walked up behind her and placed a shawl across her shoulders and felt them shaking as he held her tightly. Then he gently kissed the back of her neck and her posture began to strengthen.

"Muirna?" Kailen reached down and cupped the girl's chin in her hand, lifting it up to face her, "Tearnoth will be getting sleepy soon, you need to put her to bed. If you can stand to be separated from her come join us in the dinning hall. If not I will understand." The girl nodded through her tears and Kailen bent down and kissed her on the forehead. Then she did the same with Tearnoth, "Take good care of her Tearnoth. I'm counting on you."

Yes mother.

Kailen walked away wrapped in F'tan's arms, "Thank you, I was about to lose it completely when you walked up. I'm glad that doesn't happen all the time..." but the same scene was repeated again and again as they moved from one new dragon and rider pair to the next. Each time the feelings of maternal bliss grew and grew until Kailen felt she was about to burst at the seams.

When they came to the twins and their little bronze dragons, F'tan was not able to contain his laughter as both dragons tried to nuzzle her hips at the same time. Kailen looked like a little blue ball being batted back and forth between two toddlers. She laughed too, but in the end her eyes filled with tears as the twins, both taller and older than she, hugged her as their new mother and she gave each of them a good night kiss on the forehead.

As the last of the hatchlings were led off to their new quarters, Sheala came to stand beside Kailen. She watched a frown cross the young Weyrwoman's face, "What is it Kailen? Are you worried about something?"

"Yes," Kailen said with a catch in her voice, "I'm worried about them... all of them. One day soon they will learn to fly, then to fight thread, and then they will all face danger together. I worry about what I will do if any get hurt or... d-don't come back? How long will I worry about them like this?"

"Forever I'm afraid," Sheala said as she wrapped the younger woman in her arms, "it's the price of motherhood. You never stop worrying. I still worry about you, all the time."

Kailen sighed. She was finally beginning to understand that in the end it's not how you look or even your gender that matters. It's the love you are willing to give and take in return that sets mothers apart. This unconditional, unyielding, unending love is what it truly means to be a mother... or in her case, a mother of dragons.

END

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All characters in this story are a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead is purely coincidental.

This work is copyright © 2005 by Juliet Carnell, it is not public domain and all rights are reserved. This work is not for publication. This work may not be reproduced, distributed or sold in any format or media. This work may not be included in any collection without the express written permission of the author.

Dragonriders of Pern® is the registered trademark of Anne McCaffrey.

Story elements that have appeared in Dragonriders of Pern® are copyright © 1967-2000 by Anne McCaffrey and are used here without license.